This
was a speech given at the RCIA retreat we hosted for those entering
the Church at Easter Vigil (2004). Though Anna Marie is actually a parishioner
next door at Holy Redeemer
in East Vancouver, she is our friend and ally in Christ, and her
story is so good that it deems our attention.
Enjoy...
Hello,
my name is Anna Marie Groark and I was asked to tell you about my journey
to the Catholic Faith. I was raised in the Lutheran Church and entered
the Catholic Church in September 2002.
Looking back on my life, I think I have always
been Catholic, I just didn’t know it and nobody told me. I have
always loved the Blessed Mother and can remember as a child playing
“Catholic Lady” I would go to the dime store and buy plastic
Rosary beads and veils, they sold them there back then. I would walk
around very holy in my flip flops, shorts, scraped knees and my veil,
clutching my Rosary. I would go into St. Mary’s Church in Gary
Indiana and pretend. I can still remember the smell of that Church,
for some reason I think that is what Holy Water and marble smell like.
I envied the Catholic girls and their smart uniforms.
I met my husband Michael in 1982. He was raised
Catholic, but started attending the Lutheran Church several years before
I met him. I was sure that our life together would be doubly blessed
since we didn’t have to worry about being of different faiths.
Indeed we were blessed with a very nice life and 3 wonderful children
who we brought up in the Lutheran Church.
We attended Church fairly regularly, participated
in the many social happenings, and supported the Church financially
somewhat regularly. We had many friends in the Lutheran Church and had
very close relationships with our Pastors over the years. The Lutheran
Church taught me many valuable lifelong lessons. Most importantly that
Jesus loves me, and that he didn’t come for the holy people, he
came to save the sinners like me. However, there was something missing.
I never had the feeling that I was truly worshiping our Lord. Sermons
were usually stories from the Pastors family and life experience that
ended up with a good moral attached. I felt like I was not being challenged
to live more Christ like, or to grow in Holiness or faith. I never could
understand Sola-Scriptura (of course at the time I had never heard the
term) because I wondered about all the people who were alive before
the Bible was printed. I also knew that Jesus must have done a lot more
than the Holy Scriptures had room to tell. Another thing that was confusing
to me was the Communion of Saints. It was OK to think about and talk
about our loved ones who have passed away, watching, loving and inspiring
us from Heaven, so how come that couldn’t go both ways?
One day, I determined that I was no longer enjoying
the music I was hearing on the radio. I started listening to a Protestant
Christian radio station, but soon realized that although these were
non-offensive songs, they all sounded as if they were trying to sound
like one secular artist or another. I again wanted something to listen
to that was more worship-full. By “accident” I found KBVM.
I loved the music and I loved that they prayed and talked about Jesus,
and how we could live more like he would like us to live. The job I
was working at had me driving home at around 7:00 each evening. If any
of you listen to KBVM, you know that at 7:00pm they have the Rosary.
I listened each evening and soon was able to pray along with it. It
felt so natural and right to pray this prayer. I told Michael he should
turn on the radio at 7:00 to hear the Rosary. He began to do this regularly
while he was waiting for me to come home. I would get home before the
Rosary was over, and when I came in the house, he would have it on.
We then began listening the Catholic Answers program. We found that
the questions being asked, were questions we had. Not surprisingly,
the answers made such sense to us.
At the Lutheran church that we were still attending,
there was a weekly ladies Bible study that the women were taking turns
leading. When it was my time to lead, I poured over the material and
the Scriptures and carefully planned my lesson. At the end of the study
it occurred to me “What now”? I asked the group “In
what way is this Bible study going to change us? What are we going to
do better? What are we going to change, give up or begin? They looked
at me not having any idea what I was going on about. Is the idea to
know every story in the Bible, but not have it effect how we behave?
Because we felt it was our responsibility, Michael
and I participated in the Church Council. We both held offices. There
was always some kind of drama occurring due to the fact that everybody
had opinions on how things should be run and how things were run at
the other church they used to belong to before it was spilt up into
two groups. There was no authority to go to, no structure. We bowed
out of these offices as gracefully as possible, knowing that this was
not God’s work we were doing.
I began to share with my good friend from Church,
my feelings of emptiness. I told her I was not being spiritually fed
or challenged, she said she understood how I felt and that she would
pray for me. She didn’t share my feelings however, she is a woman
of deep faith and has a great love for Jesus and the Lutheran Church.
Michael also felt that there was something missing.
I suggested to him that we really needed to begin a search, and he agreed.
I got the listings of all the churches in town, I called and got times
of all of their services. The plan was to go to each of them and find
one that met our needs. The first one we went to was Holy Redeemer Catholic
Church. We went there because we had met Father Mitchell (pastor of
Holy Redeemer Parish in Vancouver), and it was closest to our house.
It so happened that the service we went to was on a Friday night during
Lent, the Stations of the Cross. We walked in 10-15 minutes early. The
first thing we noticed was the absolute silence. At our Lutheran church,
people would be visiting and chit chatting during this time. These people
were on their knees praying or looking lovingly at the Tabernacle or
the Crucifix. It was so beautiful. Then the Stations of the Cross began.
I followed along as best I could, Michael seemed to know exactly what
he was doing. My breath was taken away when they said things like “My
Beloved Jesus”, or “Jesus my love”. These words and
sentiments felt so right, could this be what I was looking for? As we
left, Michael put his arm around me and I looked up and asked what he
thought, with moist eyes he said “it was like coming home”.
We didn’t stay for the soup supper, because we didn’t know
anybody, so we went home, then came back in an hour to hear a talk Father
was giving after the supper. I don’t remember all he said, but
I was struck that he said that we all need to attend Church every week.
He said if we didn’t come for us, we must come because others
in the Parish needed us to be there. I have never in my life been told
that regular church attendance was a responsibility, in fact I have
never had anybody even suggest what I should do or how I should live
my life as a Christian. It was like there was some kind of an authority,
giving me direction.
We began going to Sunday Mass. My work schedule
allowed me to go every morning, but I would have to leave after the
homily. Soon, I asked my boss to change my schedule so I could stay
for the whole Mass. I couldn’t partake in the Eucharist, but this
was definitely the best part of the Mass. I loved watching the faithful
walking up the aisle to receive our Lord. They looked like pilgrims.
I didn’t understand it for a long time, but I was receiving a
spiritual communion, I was receiving such Grace, just watching those
faithful dear people.
I would sit at Mass with a little journal and
furiously take notes, I would write the scripture passages so Michael
could look at them at night. I would write down the responsorial. I
also began to write my prayer intentions in this book. I wrote in more
than once that the Lord lead Michael to the decision that we convert
to the Catholic Church. For some reason, it was very important that
this be his decision for us. I knew that he would, I just didn’t
know how soon.
We met with our best Lutheran friends to break
the news to them that we were on a journey and we weren’t sure
where it would take us, but that there was a really good chance that
we were Catholic. First, they ordered more margaritas, then gave us
their blessings and promised to pray for us.
We then arranged meetings with both our Lutheran
Pastor and with Father Mitchell. We gave them each a typed list of our
questions. They each had the same list. Both gentlemen were very gracious
with their time and answered our questions. Based on the information
we had from them, we were able to begin prayerfully making our decision.
As a side note to this, our Lutheran Pastor suggested
that maybe we were just attracted to all pomp of the Catholic Mass,
we assured him this was not the case, but looking back on it, I think
he may have been right. I really do love the fact that Catholic worship
is special enough every day to bring out the finery as it were. It is
so good to worship the Lord with all of your senses. You hear the bells,
smell the smells, feel the beads, say the ancient words and most importantly
taste the love in the Holy Eucharist.
Michael
soon told our Pastor that we would no longer partake in communion at
the Lutheran Church. Then we started only going there on weeks that
we were committed to some type of service such as ushering or for the
coffee hour. On those weeks, we would go to Mass then go to the Lutheran
Church. Soon our commitments there were over and we never went back.
Praise
be to God, Michael decided it was time to talk again to Father Mitchell
and begin the process of becoming Catholic. Father advised us as to
the paperwork we would need to gather to begin this process. It all
went very smoothly.
Father had given us several little booklets on
how to make a good confession. Each of these books had a different format.
I read them each and wrote my answers to the questions they asked. When
I was done, I had absolutely pages of things for which I needed forgiveness.
Realizing that I wouldn’t have all week to spend in the confessional,
I narrowed this list down. I chose to separate the items into the decades
of my life. It occurred to me, if we didn’t need the Sacrament
of Reconciliation, as I had been taught my whole life, why in the world
did I still have guilt and memories of sins I committed as a very young
girl?
On September 21, 2002 during daily Mass I was
confirmed, I had my first Holy Communion and Michael and I were married.
Just like a Catholic Lady, I carried a Rosary and wore a veil. The ladies
of the parish gave us a tiny and very beautiful reception. It was so
much more meaningful than the very grand wedding we had 20 years before.
As I said, we have always had a good marriage, but to understand that
it is a Holy Sacrament ordained by God makes us so grateful and we treasure
this union so much more than we ever did before.
Since that time, we have grown and learned so
many things. Becoming Catholic is more than just changing what religion
you are, it is changing your whole life style.
We understand now that if what we are spending
our time and resources on is not to glorify Jesus, it is probably not
worth doing. This way of thinking has led us to read books, magazines
and newspapers that help us to grow in our faith. We have stopped watching
TV except for some news each day and maybe some sports. If we hear about
a particularly good show, we will tune in. Sometimes in the morning
I tune into EWTN on the internet, and there is always something inspiring
there. We have found that television is assaulting to our faith and
sensibilities. Not only is there a constant stream of poor images and
trashy dialogue, but even when we made wise choices from the cable channels,
we considered the time spent to be time that could be better used. Furthermore,
the silence is so beautiful. You can begin to listen for God’s
voice and have ongoing prayer and conversation with him.
We have learned to lead a more simple and frugal
life style. We try very hard to not be led by the consumerism that has
become our culture. When making purchases, we try to discern if we are
getting what we need, or simply what we want. This is not as easy as
it sounds. I often think about what our Blessed Savior and his Mother
may have had. This helps me to understand the difference between want
and need.
Our
prayer life continues to grow. I remember when we were learning to say
the Rosary, it seemed to take for ever. Now the time goes by so quickly,
even when we have added more and more, what Father Mitchell refers to
as “the trimmings”. The more you pray, the more you are
graced with the desire to pray. Often when I pray my mind starts to
wonder. When this happens, I ask my Guardian Angel, who by the way,
I think his name is Rufus, to give me a little spiritual tap on the
shoulder when I need it. When I am really distracted by all kind of
thoughts and images while at prayer and at Mass, I call on St. Michael
the Arch Angel to “defend me in battle, to be my safeguard against
the wickedness and snares of the devil”. This helps me and it
may help you, too. I would suggest that you make a list of things that
you must pray about every day and then make sure that you do.
If
I ever have a day when I don’t get all of my prayers in, I call
on Rufus, to pray them for me.
I would encourage each of you to establish a
special prayer spot in your home. Make it lovely, with candles, flowers,
statues, icons, the Bible or what ever religious things you have. This
will help you to remember to make time for your prayer, and it will
also put you in the right frame of mind.
We have been blessed with so many new friendships
in the Catholic Church. Last summer we had dinner parties almost every
Saturday night. We would invite several people from the Parish each
week, some who didn’t know each other and it was fun to see new
relationships develop. A few of our dinner parties included friends
from our Lutheran Church, we don’t see them as much as we used
to, but it is nice for them to meet our new friends. We surrounded ourselves
with these wonderful Catholic people who nourished, encouraged and taught
us so much about the faith. We are looking forward to the nice weather
to return so we may resume our entertaining, as we have met so many
more people that we would like to get to know better.
Our greatest prayer is for our 3 children and
their respective loved ones to come to know, love and serve Jesus in
the richness and fullness of the Catholic Church. We pray for this daily
and have many people and Saints in Heaven praying for this intention
as well. Having raised them in the Lutheran Church, it is hard for them
to understand how we could have changed our minds. They are very open
to conversation and ask us many questions, every time we get a chance
to talk to them about the faith we are grateful for the opportunity
and we ask the Holy Spirit to give us the right words to use.
I have so many stories of blessings and miracles
that we have experienced since entering the Church that I could share
with you, but that would take an entire book. My prayer for you is that
you continue to grow in your faith. Make time for prayer, study, adoration
and relationships with the faithful. Pray daily for the end to the sin
of abortion, for our Holy Father, Priests, Deacons, Seminarians, men
and woman religious, and those discerning their vocations, this, by
the way, should include yourself.
Now, I have learned to make Rosaries that we
give away, and I feel that I am being called to assist new Catholics.
I am not sure how I am to do this just yet, but I know that if I continue
to pray about it that God will make his intentions known to me.
I will ask God to bless you all, and I hope you
will do the same for me and my family.
I am blessed and proud to be a Catholic Lady,
maybe someday we will again wear veils; I hope we do.
Thank you.
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