Catholic
Marriage
Baptism Confession
Holy Eucharist
Confirmation
Matrimony
Holy Orders Anointing
of the Sick
In
reviewing the information provided on parish registration forms, it
is interesting to note the number of couples who indicate that they
have not been married in the Catholic Church. This gives cause to
review what is in fact a requirement: Catholics must be married through
the Church in order to be truly married.
Many Catholics seem to have the idea today that it is just a suggestion
or a “better way” to be married in the Church. The reality
is that it is the only way for a Catholic to get validly married.
Why is this?
The
reason is that when you are baptized a Catholic, the Church takes
responsibility for your soul and makes a promise to help you get to
heaven. One of the biggest keys to our salvation is the making of,
and persevering in holy matrimony. If a person is not married in the
Church it makes it impossible for the community to help discharge
this responsibility. And so Canon Law states that for a Catholic to
get married they must do so through and in the Church. (In special
circumstances permission may be granted to celebrate the marriage
in a ceremony other than the Catholic rite, but this marriage is still
accomplished only through the Church.)
For non-Catholics, they can be married anywhere by any recognized
official and still be validly married. The difference for the Catholic
is that through baptism they take on the responsibility of being married
according to the “form” of the church.
Requirements
This
is the first requirement for marriage: “proper form”.
But there are several other important requirements. A person must
be “free” to marry, that is they do not have a prior marital
bond. They must also be capable of marriage, that is mentally and
physically capable of carrying out marriage as the Church understands
it. The last important requirement is that on the day of their marriage
they must promise three things.
The Three Promises
The first promise is fidelity. They must plan on, and
intend to be, faithful exclusively to the person they are marrying.
The second is that they must plan on being faithful
in a life-long commitment. They cannot just be “seeing if it
will work out” but promise for better or worse, richer or poorer,
till death do they part.
The third promise is openness to children. If a couple
were to come to me wanting to get married but be planning on never
having children they could not be married in the Church, because they
do not want a Christian marriage. However, openness to children does
not necessarily mean that they will have children as sometimes sterility
or other problems intervene, nor is a marriage that does not have
children any less of a marriage or family. Openness to children simply
means that the couple will be open to allowing God to bless their
marriage with life.
Now for the hard part
People
who have been married outside of the Church cannot receive Communion.
The reason is that choosing to live in a union that is not a marriage
recognized by the Church is a serious sin, which prevents one from
receiving communion and even confession so long as one persists in
this state. This is true even if the couple feels they are married.
The Church that authenticates the Real Presence of Jesus Christ in
the Holy Eucharist is the same Church entrusted with defining what
is necessary for a valid marriage, one that has God actually bind
the couple together, for life. If one chooses to reject the Church’s
teaching and authority with regard to the most important relationship
of intimacy between a man and a woman, then they are forfeiting the
opportunity to celebrate their Communion with Jesus Christ as Catholics
publicly in the reception of Holy Communion.
There
is Always Hope
In
most cases, however, a marriage may be convalidated (or “blessed”)
in a Catholic ceremony in a fairly simple manner. What seems to be
at issue, and is very disconcerting is the fact that many people simply
do not know that Catholics must be married in a Catholic church by
priest or deacon, and that it is not simply a suggestion. If
you find yourself in this situation now please call me, so
we can get to work at getting things straightened out.
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